Without You

The moon glows, the river flows, but I die without you 

I'm sitting on the table. Every ounce of emotion I have is channeling through my body and out of my mouth. Kaleb's curled up next to me. He's pretending to be frail, pretending to be dying. Chris is behind me. We're separated only by a few steps, but might as well be continents away. There's all this pressure on me to deliver this song with meaning, to deliver Kaleb into his death. I'm connecting us all. 

It's one of the most powerful scenes, along with the following one of Angel's funeral. In Without You, beneath my melody, Kaleb's coughing and turning, until finally his hand falls and he dies in Hunter's arms. Larry (director) has a fantastic vision for setting the stage. After that, during the funeral scene, everyone is paired off in couples except for Hunter. It's this apparent hole. Losing Angel. 

Angel was one of my closest friends. It's right that today's halloween, because it was her favorite holiday.

Goodbye Love is another favorite of mine. Whitney (Joanne) and I just let everything go yesterday and gave into our anger. Chris and I were acting it out to the fullest. I felt everything like it was real. Like we were really in love and we were really losing each other. Granted, I pull from personal experience for this, so it works out nicely. I felt myself being abandoned, being broken, being sick. It was humbling. 

Rent has meant more to me than almost any other play. I've listened to the CD on repeat for years and years, and been in a marriage with the show for six times 525,600 minutes. It reminds me of so many things. It reminds me of myself. The fact that I get to perform it now, that I get to flesh out Mimi in all that I envision her, is the greatest gift I could ask for.